so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
