STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
