Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
