God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
