there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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