Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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