that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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