I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
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I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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