Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
