Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
