the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize