its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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