I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i drank out of a bidet.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
