I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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