Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
