When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
