Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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