Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress