Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that