Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
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she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day