Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome