Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
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I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO