is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
