that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
