I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
