He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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