doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize