I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Still dying that you shit outside
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
