Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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