I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
