dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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