He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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