Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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