I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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