I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
