Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
