I just threw up on my dentist
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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