where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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