i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
