I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
