i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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