Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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