Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
