I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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