pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
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Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
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He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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