My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
