So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
