Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
