In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I lost the right to judge tonight
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why did my mother make you get naked?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
