Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke