I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
