There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
