I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
