Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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