whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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