Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
