True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
