I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
