Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
