I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
