How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
