party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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