Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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