I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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