i would punch a child for taco bell
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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