Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He kissed a someone with a penis
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
